There once was a time when I did not define the quality of my day by my productivity.
An old friend made me step back, today. We ran into eachother at the gym, and after friendly hello's she just asked: "So, how is your life? Do you have peace and clarity?"
Such directness is admirable.
I stumbled around a bit with an answer. It was an enlightening stumbling, though. No, I don't have peace and clarity; I don't prioritize them, I prioritize energy, and focus, and productivity. Because of the mania I see in people around me who I admire. Because it's what expected of a graduate student. Because, as they say, you can rest (in peace) when you're dead. Because I want to be accepted? No, I said, because I want to prove to myself that I can be that kind of person. Bullshit? Who knows.
But the truth is, I do feel like I'm swimming against a current.
And maybe . . . maybe I should just be who I am. Who I was. Because I think people liked and respected the me that valued peace and clarity. I did. I still do.
Listening: K's Choice, "If You're Not Scared" posted by Miles 9:27 PM
I just had a delicious dinner of Tapas with several other graduate students and one of the top researchers in the world, in my field. Luckily enough, I had a few glasses of their very tasty sangria along with dinner. Luckily enough, I also set up a meeting with The Man for tomorrow, to discuss a new experiment we're collaborating on, and to show him the stimuli I've come up with.
Or, will come up with. Tonight. If the sangria is unable to stop me.
Woo-hoo!
(ah, well, maybe they'll just be funkier arrays of circles & squares than they otherwise would be.) posted by Miles 8:03 PM
Arrest This Man, He Talks In Maths 
Wednesday, March 16, 2005